Scanned through my very old blog posts dated way back in 2005 onwards. I realised something has changed. I don’t know what it is but maybe I could say that I have become less naive and less innocent in retrospects to back then. In the past, we had all those fun and loving memories where everything simple is enough to make us smile and be happy. But now, it is as if the same things are no longer good enough. I know that I still like small little things and I know that as long as he makes an effort, I will always treasure it. But perhaps, what has changed is this. Is it the growing up from 16 to 21 that has changed us, or is it that being in a relationship for too long has made things such? Comparing now and then, it is as if he has drifted further away. Maybe it’s the NS, maybe it’s the times when he went out to work, the idea that money is now the calling card. I don’t know…
Honestly, I would give anything to go back to those days of happiness, but perhaps not at the expense of my fragile heart. In the past, we lived for that day that time, and not bothered about the future. Now, whatever we did, would more or less make us think of the future and IF we can even survive the days living together as a married couple. A bit too far-fetch, but I guess that was how he thinks.
But what good comes of thinking of all these now. It is obvious that he has given up before he has tried, and what good will come of it? I stopped trying to make things right, deciding to play a waiting game, but I guess even waiting will do no good. Guess I will really have to let go soon…
He says he needs to get over this faster before I find someone new.. But I think, it is I that needs to get over this sooner, because he has started going out with friends, having great times while I am here, going home every night to mug then sleep with the same old routine everything.
But as I read from a novel, “When life hands you lemons, you make lemonade”. Guess it’s time to stop living in the past.
